A Deaf Fan.

Did you know that Derby have the largest number of deaf people outside of London?

Just how many of these people are Derby fans? Maybe it's time to start acknowledging those amongst us with invisible disabilities. As it's coming to the end of Deaf Awareness Week, I think it's time for a raw and personal blog post from me - I'm not going to enjoy writing this as I like bringing in facts and statistics as you can tell from previous posts, but this conversation needs to be begun, and to be understood.

As a deaf football fan, I miss out on quite a lot of things actually. Things that you might take for granted.

The chants you sing at football games, I don't really understand what is being said and have to wait until I get home to learn the words so I can try and lipread others in the following games I attend; I do try to follow along with the claps but sometimes it's just awkward.

The close friendships you make at the games when you see a familiar face in the crowd, I cannot get that - the only friendships I have so far, and they are the most treasured friendships I have, have been made online and when I see them at games, it's usually an awkward wave and an 'alright?'; none of the deep discussion you get to have.

One of the many things that I wish I didn't have to miss out on is the opportunity to build a bond with any of the players or the coaching staff due to the fact I have no form of simplistic communication with them. Just a little more time to find an effective way of communication is possibly the best thing I could get, and some players do give that time but it's not quite the same. The fluidity is just not there.

I have been asked so many things by other fans, and admittedly, I quite enjoy explaining it all to you - it's part of who I am, and the fact that you take interest is nice, and it will help a lot in understanding the adjustments you might have to be aware of to make things easier for both of us. There are beliefs that being deaf enhances my other senses, and in a way, I do believe it; I notice more things visually than people like you, I rely on my vision a lot more obviously but the other senses such as smell, feel and taste, I don't think it's that different to hearing people. But most frustrating thing at a game is that I can't really get involved into the atmosphere - I can experience it differently but I cannot get involved with the chants, with the talking to build up the buzz, things like that. As much as I wish I could, it just isn't possible. I don't think I miss out on much in general, as I haven't really known any different.

I think this season has been different in terms of being involved too, as we do things such as the bounce, which is very visual rather than just singing the same song as the players like Liverpool does with their fans, singing You'll Never Walk Alone.

Life is definitely not easy, it never gets easier. The older I get, the more aware I become of how complicated things are. I attended a deaf school from the age of 2, and went to a mainstream school part time when I was 14; luckily, at school, I didn't really get bullied, everyone was really nice. Going into college, it was definitely a massive shock as I was suddenly the only deaf student in the entirety of the college, and I had barely any confidence - it was a massive struggle in the first year, I'd go home crying, saying I couldn't go back there. There was a teacher I had that just picked on me, I told myself that she was just being harsh on me because I was lazy (I acknowledge it!) but as the year went on, it became a deep psychological thing - when we were asked to do an essay on something, she picked for us to do an essay on an acoustic song, no lyrics for me to go off on, just sound. I asked if I could have something else because obviously, I can't do it, and she failed me for that assignment. There was also a little Facebook group chat with all the students in so I could text them during class to keep myself involved, and someone said some horrible and personal stuff about the teacher, and when the teacher found out through a grass, I got the blame and was forced to sit outside in the corridor, doing the work - not sure why I got the blame, and not sure why the teacher believed the other student. Another time, my interpreter had to go to the toilet quickly, and we were getting on with our work so it was okay, and I could tell the other students were talking about something with the teacher so I looked up to see what the teacher was saying, and as clear as daylight, I caught her saying 'I don't know why they allow deaf students to study English'. Never have I felt so humiliated. Regardless, I got on with my work, pushed through the difficulties of bearing that teacher, and got a C in English A Level, just a handful of marks off a B; she predicted an E for me. It was quite nice to see her face when I opened my results, but at the end of the day, the psychological damage was so bad, I never felt motivated to study English again. Over the years at college, I've learnt to grow my confidence in interacting with other hearing people; I had to learn somehow. I made a couple of 'friends', we only interacted in class. College really changed me a lot, changed me as a person as well as my ambitions. But throughout college, football remained the only thing I truly admired. I never stopped talking about football in college, that's probably why I didn't really make much friends!

I think it's a bit ironic that I fell completely out of love with studying English after the experiences I had in college, but after the experiences I've had to do with football, I've always carried the same passion for it, if not more now.

As a football player (not a very good one!), I was told by so many coaches that I would never be good enough to even play for a deaf team, because I didn't read games well. I remember this one time, the school team's coach kicked me off the team because I apparently had an attitude. He had to accept me back into the team because they didn't have any defenders, and in the end, the team conceded only one goal throughout the deaf schools football tournament, and I scored the winning goal in the final. Since then, I've become a player for Birmingham Deaf Ladies, gone to two Deaf Champions League, had trials for England. I think I've done alright in reading games, thank you very much.

I remember when I was younger, when I was 17; this was the first major realisation that life's not going to be easy. I went to a football match with a friend - Manchester United beat Wigan in the FA Cup 4-0. On the way back to my friend's house, on the train, I got assaulted. Purely because this person thought I was ignoring them - even when I was repeatedly trying to tell them that I'm deaf throughout the assault. It was a terrifying experience but since then, it has happened a couple of times again and every time, I just pick myself up and brush it off, move on with it. I'm not really sure why people feel the need to physically harm someone, but it happens, ah well. The older I've become, the more aware I am that not everybody is going to be nice or even remotely respectful about my deafness. I think you just learn to ignore it - you just start to notice a lot more as you grow up, and most of it is just pathetic ignorance.

Over the years, I've grown thick skin, become accustomed to the multiple common routes people go down in their thoughts on deafness. Nothing really frustrates me anymore, I just accept that there is a barrier there, and I figure out a way to get over it; there is always a way.

Assaults on the way to football games, or on my way home, are nothing to me now. Having people take the piss of me is nothing to me now. Being mocked is nothing to me now. Of course, there are nights where I cry myself to sleep just because I'm so exhausted from the difficulties, and that's okay! As long as I wake up in the morning and get on with it, there are always barriers to overcome, and I don't really have a choice. Shit happens.

My dream job would to be a football agent, I won't lie. This September, I will, if I pass my exams, be going to university at the Wembley stadium and studying Sports Business & Law, which will lead me down that route. Hopefully, it'll be a success, and I know it'll be hard to get that big break, but I think I can do it... somehow.

The main ambition behind this career choice is the fact that so many agents ruin football careers, and how angry that makes me. You see the amount of young footballers or top talent spending the rest of their career on the bench, not getting an opportunity after false promises from both club and agent to clinch a dream move, just so the agent benefits from the huge pay off and they go off. I'm not in it for the money, I'm in it to make sure players get the moves they deserve. I don't want to only be a football agent, I want to be someone they turn to for advice; such as where should they go to next, what should they ask for in their next contract, what do they deserve from what work they put in. I'm in it for the long run, to ensure that young players are getting the right support, they remain grounded and think about their development and not to be naive, and the same goes for top talent if I ever get to that level; to ensure they would fit in with a team's playing style, if they'd get the playing time they deserve, and the contract value they should get.

Sometimes, it's a good thing to be deaf I think - people recognises me as the 'deaf girl' and it's something unique about me that makes me memorable, that is never a bad thing. It can be a bit of a "unique selling point" too when it comes to opportunities such as interviews and university placements. You can get away with a lot more as a deaf person; I won't start listing all of those things, we'd be here all night. I just sometimes wish that life would be a bit easier, that people would learn just a bit of basic sign language so I can feel more comfortable; but at the end of the day, this is who I am, and everyone else will just have to suck it up!

Overall, from my very obvious experience as a deaf football fan, how would I improve things for other deaf fans? It would be nice to be included a bit more, the little things do count. There could be something to do with sign language, such as a small workshop or a stall outside the stadium, explaining deaf awareness etc on match days so hearing fans are aware of how to approach a deaf fan, or something like that. Interviews being posted online never have subtitles either, so unless I have the time and patience to watch the video about 15 times (25 times if it comes to Craig Bryson) to lipread absolutely everything that is being said, I will never understand fully, and with confidence, what is being said without subtitles. The poem that was belted out brilliantly (apparently) by talented poet Jamie Thrasivoulou before the West Brom game, the deaf fans in the stadium understood none of it because the words aren't anywhere in the stadium. I'm aware that it's not easy to know who's deaf, deafness is not a visible disability - we aren't in wheelchairs or have crutches or a mobility scooter. But just a bit of awareness on how to deal with the situation if you do happen to interact with a deaf fan would go a long way, or even if you knew just a little bit of sign.

Accessibility is so important to deaf people, and there shouldn't be barriers when we go to watch the football - it's our escape.